Originally posted on sciy.org by Koantum on Thu 08 Jan 2009 06:41 PM PST
Mother's Agenda: August 21, 1963
These days, I don't know whether it has come to the last battle, but it has descended very deep into the cells' worst-lit realm: what still belongs most to the world of Unconsciousness and Inertia and is most foreign to the divine Presence. It is, so to say, the primal substance that was first used by Life, and it has a sort of inability to feel, to experience a reason for that life.
In fact, it's something I had never experienced [that absence of meaning]; even in my earliest childhood, when there was no development, I always had a perception (not a mentalized but a vibrant perception) of a Power behind all things which is the raison d'être of all things – a Power, a Force, a kind of warmth.
It isn't the experience of THIS body's cells: it's an identification with the world in general, with the Earth as a whole. It's an absolutely frightful and hopeless condition: something meaningless, aimless, without raison d'être, without any joy in itself or ... and worse than disagreeable – meaningless, insensate. Something that has no raison d'être and yet is. It was ... it is a frightful situation.
I have an impression of being quite close to the bottom of the pit.
Yesterday, it was like that almost the whole day long. But all at once something came (I don't know from where or how ... neither from above nor from within nor from ... I don't know): there is only ONE raison d'être, only ONE Reality, only ONE Life, and there is nothing other than ... THAT. It was THAT (not in the least mentally, there was no intellectual formulation, nothing), it was Something that was Light (far more than Light), Power (far more than power), Omnipotence (far more than Omnipotence), and also an intensity of sweetness, of warmth, of plenitude – all that together – along with that Something, which naturally words cannot describe. And That came all at once, like that, when there was such a frightful state of anguish, because it was nothing – a nothing you couldn't get out of. There was no way of getting out of that nothing, because it was nothing.
You know, all those who seek Nirvana, all their disgust of life, all that is almost enjoyable in comparison! That's not it. That's not it, it was a thousand times, a million times worse. It was nothing, and because it was nothing it was impossible to get out of it – there was no ... no solution.
At one point, the tension was so great that ... you wonder, "Am I going to burst?"
Then everything relaxed and opened up (gesture as if the cells opened out) ... OM.
I don't know if there's a yet deeper pit but ...
And that relief, that blossoming, that peace ... Everything disappears, except That.
It's really the first time I had that experience – never, never did I experience that before. And it wasn't in the least, in the least personal to my body, it isn't my body's cells – it's something else....
And that is the basis and foundation of all materialism.
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